A tale of Creationists & Continental Drift

Ok, where to being … hmmm … let’s make sure we’re all sane, ok?

You all know the Earth was formed roughly 4.5 billion years ago, right? Good.

You also know that tectonic drift moves the continents slowly over time? Good.

You also know that it was tectonic drift, along with other geological mechanisms, that created many of our mountains? Good.

Now, had I asked a Creationist they’d have answered “No, that’s wrong!” to each of those questions. They are, to put it mildly, in danger of being the intellectual inferior of a mentally challenged cabbage.

Allow me to recount a recent encounter with such a Creationist, an Admin on a Creationists’ Facebook Page.

A member had asked if the Great Flood could have caused mountains. To be fair to this member, he’s a Christian with a brain and he often refutes Creationist arguments. I answered that, no, it was not possible and we know they’re formed through tectonic drift, volcanism and so on over millions of years.

It was at this point the aforementioned Admin, posting anonymously, replied that I was wrong and that they know God created the Earth as it is, 6,000 years ago. One can only presume their nurse allows them access to the PC as a reward for not drooling too much or shoving crayons up their bum.

I explained, patiently, that they were talking bollocks. Drawing reference from Iceland, which was entirely formed through volcanism, I explained how geologists have placed markers each side of the tectonic split that straddles the island. They are able, using extremely accurate methods, to measure the distance at which the two tectonic plates that meet there are moving apart (it’s apparently about the same speed as our nails grow, that is how accurate these GPS enabled measurements are!)

Our font of all insanity Admin replied to say that these results were incorrect, geologist are guilty of the same presupposition as evolutionary scientists. Aaaagh, pass the shotgun, we’ve got a live one!

Biting my tongue to stop myself calling this Admin a retarded fucking wanker, which was self evident anyway to most people so it saved me typing it, I calmly explained their argument was utter nonsense as geologists would not waste their time making up stuff and, in any case, they use this data to predict earthquakes, volcanic activity and so on. Geophysics is observable science, not guesswork.

It was around this point our friendly neighborhood asinine Admin capitulated, albeit only slightly. They admitted that, yes, tectonic plates do move but, and this is priceless, that doesn’t mean they have always moved so slowly or that they were once all part of one massive continent, which geologists know they were! Go and get a map, or Google one, and look at the shape of the continents. It's clear to a blind man that these continents share similar shapes that, if you moved them, would fit together. If this isn't what happened then God clearly placed them this way to fool us, but God isn't deceitful - or so they keep insisting.

Switching to ‘Baffle the Buffoon’ mode I threw in a little science about rock magnetism. Briefly Paleomagnetism goes; if geologists examine the magnetism present in the minerals in rocks at certain strata throughout the world it should all point to the same place, magnetic North. It doesn’t. However, and this is the interesting thing, if you rearrange those continents exactly as geologists predicted through other methods, such as matching up rock strata, fossil beds, shapes of coastlines etc, they find that the magnetism in the minerals exactly match the magnetic alignment predicted, too! This is conclusive proof that the continents were once part of a super continent, which is referred to as Pangaea. Unless, of course, God is a deceitful bastard who intentionally tries to mislead us after all.

Was our esteemed Admin convinced? No, of course not. They said this was all supposition and that clearly the continents must have moved apart much faster than geologists claim, if they moved apart at all which, because we weren’t there, geologists cannot state is a fact. This is the same argument they use against evolution. They seem to look upon it like fighting in Vietnam, “You weren’t there, man! You weren’t there!" so you can’t be sure.

Remember, these are the same people who believe a Bronze Age creation myth that even the Vatican long ago had to accept was allegorical and not to be taken literally. When anybody points out they weren’t there either we’re told they don’t need to be, we have the Word of God as proof. Oh yes, because the Bible is such a reliable source of information, that's why there's two contradictory accounts of Creation in the first few pages!

Idiots. Idiots. Idiots. Idiots. IDIOTS!

I shall, as before, leave you with a quote from CJ Werleman and implore you to purchase his incredibly funny, if sacrilegious books.

           

“I imagine Jesus' first few attempts at walking on water to have been little more than a frantic girly like run before ending in a belly flop”